Racine Journal Times, WorkLife Section, December 16, 2007

'Two and you'

With the holiday season in full swing, parents might find this to be a good time to reflect on the gifts you’re about to bestow on the little ones in your life.

Whether your children have made their wish lists yet or not, you still have time to try something new this year. Ask them to make two columns on their list: one for objects only, which you could call “stuff,” and the other for activities involving your time and undivided attention. You might be surprised by the discussion you’ll have with your kids, as well as the list itself. I was.

My 8-year-old stated that he doesn’t want to completely give up the objects on his wish list, but he’d happily pare back the “stuff” column or exchange a few objects with activities if that means he can enjoy those objects and more time with his family. When I asked if he would rather have, for example, five video games (I would never buy that many) or two video games with some family time thrown in, he immediately chose the latter. I was pleasantly surprised.

To be sure that he wasn’t just saying what he thought I wanted to hear, I asked, “Are you sure you’d be happy with only two games?” To paraphrase, he said, “I’d rather have two and you.”

After he pondered the question for awhile, he also asked to exchange one object from his “stuff” column for an activity that doesn’t even require a purchase: a few Saturday afternoons sledding down that fabulous hill at Lockwood Park, using our sled collecting dust in the basement. That I have a new reason to enjoy sledding again made me wonder: who’s giving the gift to whom?

Don't forget what's really important

While every parent wants only the best for their children, living in a consumptive society makes it easy to forget what makes them truly happy. My son made it clear that objects alone are not the foundation of his happiness. It’s something I already knew, but it got lost somewhere in the depths of my mind. Thankfully, he helped me remember.

At the risk of sounding like the Grinch, it’s like we’re sleepwalking through an ocean of stuff that, after a certain threshold, has little, long-lasting impact on our satisfaction in life. If you’re skeptical, ask anyone over the age of 25 to name five gifts they received as a youngster which didn’t involve some enjoyable family time. I’d be surprised if they can recall more than two.

In a few years, Suzie will lose interest in the adorable tea set she’s thrilled to unwrap on Christmas day, but if you spend some time playing tea time with her, she’ll always have fond memories of her first tea set. Enjoy reading “The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe” (C. S. Lewis) with your little Margaret and you just might kindle her lifetime love of reading. Johnny will easily forget the baseball glove he got on his 7th Christmas, but throw in some fun time playing catch and he’ll cherish and remember that glove for years to come.

And so will you.

Less stuff = less pressure

You may also find that buying less stuff translates to less financial (and time) pressure, freeing up more time to enjoy with your kids. After all, buying more things doesn’t just require more time at work to earn more money. You also have to spend time to transport, wrap, clean, store and eventually discard it.

You might have heard that Europeans work to live and Americans live to work. Neither we Americans or Europeans can claim to have a utopian society; there are benefits and drawbacks to both ways of life. I have to admit, though, that a “work to live” philosophy is intriguing. Have Europeans, due to a longer, different history figured out something that we’re just beginning to ponder? Have they learned that all the time and effort it takes to produce a delicious bottle of Merlot doesn’t mean anything if one doesn’t have enough time to truly savor the fruits of their labor?

Most folks have children because they enjoy having them in their lives. That’s why your gift of time is not only a gift for them, but also a gift for you.

Now an exercise for you

How can you create more time when we’re limited by 24 hours per day? You can’t create more time, but just like money, you can use it more effectively. Begin with some honest reflection. Make your own list with two columns: one column should be labeled “How I Actually Spend My Time.” Label the other column “How I Want to Spend My Time.” Next to each activity, jot down a time estimate. Be sure to make your “Want to” list without overanalyzing it, as it’s something you should do from a gut level.

This exercise, just like your children’s new gift lists, will probably surprise you. By examining both columns, you’ll see where your priorities are, where you want them to be and the extent that they are in or out of alignment. This is one way to foster conscious, purposeful living. You’ll remember what really matters to you, and find ways to align your time and resources with it.

And since your children learn best from your example, these are gifts that will be passed on and remembered for generation after generation.

Michelle Ouzounian, CMFC, is the founder and President of Verity Investment Counsel, Inc. (www.verityinvcounsel.com), a fee-only, independent registered investment advisory firm in Racine. Michelle can be reached at 262-898-8400, or m.ouzounian@verityinvcounsel.com.

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This article contains the opinions of the author, but not necessarily those of Verity Investment Counsel, Inc.  Such opinions are subject to change without notice.  This article is provided for educational purposes only.  The information contained herein does not suggest or imply and should not be construed, in any manner, a guarantee of future performance and/or investment advice.  Information contained in this article was obtained from sources believed to be reliable, but not guaranteed.  No part of this article may be reproduced in any form, or referred to in any other publication, without express written permission of Verity Investment Counsel, Inc.